Just Be Yourself
by DoubtfulGuest
Summary: An account of Tonks' years at Hogwarts.
1. Chapter 1

The Great Hall was filled with the shouts and laughter of friends reuniting after a long summer break apart, abruptly silenced by the swinging open of the heavy wooden doors as Professor MacGonagall led the new First Years students in for the Sorting. The Sorting Hat was brought forward reverently and welcomed the students in poetic song. The First Years fidgeted in excited anticipation as the first name was called and the Sorting commenced.

Towards the back of the queue, a plain, unobtrusive child, stood quietly, staring at the floor and endeavoured to blend in, remembering Mother's parting words at King's Cross Station that morning. An affectionate but firm parental hand had stroked the neat, short, brown hair, smoothing away the turquoise curl that had wound its way out as Andromeda Tonks' only child gazed nervously at the platform crowded with other children and their families. "You'll love school, darling, I promise. Just be yourself, no silly showing off and you'll soon make lots of friends."

Tonks sighed, thinking secretly that "Be yourself" was not especially helpful advice to offer an eleven year old metamorphmagus. Who knew what that really meant when you saw a different face in the mirror each morning ? Which smile was right one to offer these new potential friends ? The quiet, shy smile which appeared with long lashes and pink apple cheeks on the rare ventures to the park with Dad to play with strange muggle children for a brief afternoon ? The bold grin matched with gleaming dark eyes and flaming curls which appeared when Cousin Sirius had once, indulgently, allowed the 8 year old Tonks to ride in the sidecar of his motorbike that last summer 3 years ago ?

The muggle-born pupils in her new class would have already been to school for years, lots of the half-blood kids too. And the pure-bloods would have had private tutor groups, like Andromeda and her sisters had had as little girls. But there had been no possiblility of Tonks attending a muggle school, given that strong emotions tended to result in rather dramatic changes of appearance in young children with Tonks' "condition" and Father's muggle salary insufficient to pay for individual tuition. School was a fairly abstract concept to Tonks whose only knowledge of the subject came from tatty paperback novels and Sirius' tall tales of his marauding days. Reluctantly, Mother had been coaxed to recall memories of her years at Hogwarts; the lessons, the Sorting, the feasts and the balls. Tonks sensed the ambivalence with which Mother described the Slytherin dorms beneath the castle, the subterranean grottoes caved from the bed rock and hoped instead for the tall Gryffindor turret of Sirius' stories.

"Tonks, Nymphadora !"

Tonks shuddered and blushed at the name and quickly perched on the stool as Professor MacGonagall placed the Sorting Hat.

"My, my. It's been a very long time since I've encountered a student with as rare a talent as yours. I should think any House would be lucky to have you but which would best benefit you, hmm ? A Slytherin like your mama and aunts perhaps ? Well, I'm sure they'd certainly find a use for you in Slytherin but perhaps you'd be better off without their games and intrigues, hmm ?"

Tonks considered for a moment the thought of following in the footsteps of the Black relatives that went before, unwittingly replicating the remembered faces of Mother and Cousin Sirius, glossy dark locks of hair snaked out from under the Sorting Hat and Tonks face grew pale and angular. The watching students gaped at the transformation, slack jawed.

"I'm sure I'm NOTHING like Aunt Cissie and Aunt Trix, nothing at all. Nor mother really." Tonks muttered.

"Ravenclaw then ? You're bright enough and they'll judge you for your brain, not your face, you know."

The long black waves recoiled, lightening as they shortened to a fine, mousy crop around a pensive, boyish face. Tonks raised an eyebrow and scrunched the aquiline nose, unconvinced.

"Hufflepuff ? They'll try hard to understand you. You'd find compassion and tolerance. It might go easier for you there," the Hat proffered.

Tonks tilted a plump, winsome face, trying out an open, friendly expression, feeling rosy cheeks dimpling and smirked, "I'm not THAT nice !"

"Well, then, not taking the easy way out, I see ?" said the Hat. "Well, a brave choice – you'll need plenty courage for the road ahead, I think. Better then be GRYFFINDOR !"

Tonks whipped the hat off, shaking out the short, reddish-gold curls beneath, and squaring the broad shoulders beneath, strode proudly towards the Gryffindor table. Suddenly noticing the shocked faces of the seated students and realising the silence that engulfed the room, Tonks faltered and became immediately and painfully aware that all the good intentions and promises and resolve to blend in, to be 'normal' had been for nothing. The entire school had watched a small, timid girl sit down on that stool and a tall, handsome boy stand up from it.


	2. Chapter 2

Tonks stood awkwardly then, uncertain whether to try and revert to the earlier form or try and brazen it out in the current one. The awed silence was broken by the abrupt shout of 'Gryffindor!' – the next in the queue had quickly slipped onto the stool and been sorted while Tonks hesitated. The tension in the room dissipated as if somehow a valve had been adjusted and scattered applause rippled down the table. The other new Gryffindor was a rather lanky, redhaired boy who tugged Tonks sleeve towards the bench. He smiled, and stuck out a freckled hand, "I'm Bill Weasley."

Tonks shook the offered hand and hesitantly replied, "I'm ... um... just Tonks."

"Oh I've heard all about you. My dad and your mum are second cousins or first cousins twice removed or something like that. Either way, both black sheep of the Black family. Or maybe that should be white sheep, if you know what I mean." Bill grinned.

Tonks smiled back, unconsciously echoing the dimple that appeared on Bill's left cheek.

"See the family resemblance ?"

...

Throughout dinner, Tonks pretended great interest in the food, keeping eyes fixed firmly on the dinner plate as slowly the golden fringe grew throughout the meal, all the better to hide behind.

"So ...which dorm will they put you in ?"

Tonks looked up at Bill, startled. "What do you mean ? Gryffindor dorm, right ? I mean, the hat sorted me ..."

"No, no. I mean, boys dorm or girls dorm ?" Bill explained.

Tonks studied his face, looking for any hint that he was teasing and finding only frank curiosity.

"Mother says I should try and stick to being a girl at school, so girls' dorm, I suppose."

"So, you're really a girl then ?"

Tonks shrugged. "Not exactly. I was just a girl FIRST."

"So when did you start being a boy too ?" asked Bill in a fascinated tone.

"After about half an hour or so, long enough for my parents to decide I was going to be 'Nymphadora' but not long enough for the midwitch to have washed and dressed me yet." Tonks replied, squirming uncomfortably.

"Wow, that must have given them a shock !"

"Mmm, spose so. Perhaps if I'd been a little quicker off the mark I wouldn't have been stuck with such a stupid name."

"So, you'll just be Tonks then, and you'll be in the girls' dorm, but you're not exactly a girl. So sometimes you'll be a bloke ?" Bill said, half to himself, as if trying to get the story straight in his head.

Tonks nodded carefully. "I can try to stick to being just one thing but it's hard. I have to concentrate on it and if I get distracted then I tend to find I end up changing without noticing."

Bill gazed at the face before him, realising why it seemed so familiar; it was a mixture of the faces that most represented 'Hogwarts student' and 'ideal Gryffindor' to Tonks. A little of Andromeda's aristocratic mien, a dash of Remus Lupin's gentle humour, a bit of Sirius Black's rakish arrogance and even a hint of Godric Gryffindor as he appeared in the ancient portrait in the entrance hall.

"Do we say 'he' or 'she' then ? Or 't' for Tonks even ?" Bill enquired, wearing a thoughtful expression.

Tonks shrugged. "When I look like this, I'm 'he'. When I look like earlier, 'she'. When I'm not around to hear it, then why should I care what you call me ?"

Bill considered this for a moment and nodded. "Makes sense I suppose."


	3. Chapter 3

Term 1 of Second Year, breakfast in the Great Hall.

"Um ... what the hell do you think you're doing ?"

Tonks looked up at, Ariadne, the irate Ravenclaw girl standing uncomfortably close to her.

"You're wearing my face !" she shrieked, pointing at Tonks accusingly.

"I'm not. I wasn't. At least, I didn't mean to ..." she scrambled to try and find an appropriate response, fumbling with her fingers at her own pointed chin and jaunty nose which to her chagrin did rather resemble the Ravenclaw's. Flustered she tweaked her nose in an effort to remove the similarity but only succeeded in accentuating the slight upturn of the nose, resulting in a somewhat snouty appearance.

"Ha, ha. Very witty, Nymphadora," said Ariadne contemptuously, turning and stalking from the room, shadowed by her pair of Ravenclaw friends who cast withering looks over Tonks as they left.

Tonks laid her head on her arms and groaned in embarrassment. Bill awkwardly patted her shoulder, uncertain what to say and exchanged a grim look with Tonks' dorm mate, Eilidh Goldstein.

"I don't mean to do that, you know. I can only make myself look a way I can imagine. No matter how I change, I always end up looking a bit like someone here. Half the time they think I'm taking the piss and the rest of the time they think I'm up to something sinister. When I was ginger, they all whispered that I was trying to be a Weasley. When I try to look a bit like mum, people think I'm trying to be like the Blacks and playing up my pureblood side. Every way I look, people think I must MEAN something by it. They don't understand that I can't avoid resembling someone."

"Maybe you should try looking like no-one else in the school," suggested Eilidh ruminatively.

"Huh ?" Tonks replied, utterly confused, waiting for her to explain whatever theory she was concocting.

"Well, what's the first thing people notice when they look at you across the room ?"

"Whether I'm a boy or girl ?" suggested Tonks.

"Probably not, actually. And anyway, fixing yourself as one gender isn't going to separate you from anyone else. I was thinking of your hair as it happens. When it changes, it's pretty dramatic. Maybe if you chose to keep it the same colour, then that'd be something that was consistently 'you', if you catch my drift ? Make it something that's distinct from everyone else at school and then no matter what your face does when you're not paying attention, you'll still not look exactly like anyone else. So, something different; not blond, brown, black or ginger." Eilidh replied, tilting her head and pondering.

"Would that work ? I mean, I know I could definitely turn it something unusual ... I suppose it would stop people thinking I was trying to disguise myself. It would maybe shut up some of those prefects who said I ought to wear a name badge or a big 'M' for metamorph sewn to my robes so they don't mistake me for another student."

"Wait ... seriously ? They said that ? That's ... that's unbelievable!" Eilidh shuddered.

"Well, they suggested that I could assume the face of someone from a different house and deliberately get in trouble so that their House would lose points. Apparently, I could 'subvert the entire House system'. Hmmph, as if the Hat wouldn't have sorted me into Slytherin if I was as devious as that!" Tonks huffed. Smoothing out the snouty nose and shaking off the residual resemblance to Ariadne, he assumed the look of a rather stocky boy with a beetle-brow, all the better for scowling.

"Well, whatever you do with the hair, don't turn it green. Way too Slytherin. Purple maybe ?" suggested Bill, smiling.

"I'll think it over. I probably need to spend some time practicing and see what colours I can express without trying too hard. Worth a try though, I suppose."

Bill and Eilidh both smiled and nodded encouragingly.


End file.
